It has come to my attention that you are in need of an employee.

Please understand that I am busy and cannot respond to all but the most qualified candidates who I have agreed to interview with.  The ideal employer will have at least 3-5 years experience dealing with employees, Bachelors degree preferred.  I am looking for solid management, so good managing credentials are a plus.

This is a full time position, so I expect to get 40 hours per week, you must be flexible but consistent.

You must provide your own transportation and valid insurance.  Not caring that I use public transit is a plus, but not required.

I’m looking for a company that is good at working individually and with a team, experience with a fast paced work environment is required.  Please know a bunch of proprietary software and retroactively have several years of experience with it.  You must know how to use MS Office suite, even though anyone with a reasonable grasp of computers does.

Please don’t contact me by phone, e-mail, in person, fax, or telegram.  You must sign up for an account on my private website where you will spend 30 minutes distilling what is already listed on your resume into a series of text fields, while also uploading your resume and ideally a cover letter.  If your actions please the mighty server, your application may be routed to a human being who cares about the content of your character and your resume.

We look forward to hearing from you!  (If your application ever gets past our filters).

Warm regards,

Johann

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