Archives for category: self reference

The men on my mom’s side of the family have a nasty habit of dying while wearing the color green… or so i’m told. More specifically the brighter the green the likelier you are to meet a terrible end by drowning or perhaps by a chimney inspecting accident. This does not alarm me because my lack of style has precluded me from wearing anything “brighter” than earth tones and has for some time.

Naturally there can be no greater threat to my life than the expansion of my fashion horizons to include orange, red, blue, and yes… bright green.

The near-purchase of a green shirt kicked my mothers instinct into high gear and made her divulge the terrible truth about my family. I sat in the car and calmly listened as a list of men who met their end wearing green was recounted to me. A quote I roughly remembered popped into my head…

.. almost everything – all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure – these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.” -Steve Jobs

I think me and Steve have a very similar outlook apart from the whole closed Apple software/hardware ecosystem that I despise and hope comes to a swift end. Also instead of being naked I’m wearing green.

I bought a bright green shirt because a man has to hedge his bets on the world not being as superstitious as he fears… but I also made the conscious choice of buying only an exercise shirt in that color so that I can workout like its my last day on earth.

So, sorry mom. I’ll wear green even if it kills me.

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I haven’t written for a while. I get distracted, I get discouraged, and I get disinterested in all but the most attention grabbing tasks.  How much do you put off and for how long before your neglected tasks drag you kicking and screaming back to a state of focus.  Too long and too much.

A loss of something that once gave you stability gives some focus and a burst of clarity for what needs to be done; an enviable reaction.

But the envy is misplaced because it never addresses the idea of underlying motivation which is supposed to be intrinsic and not extrinsic.

“You just have to start; starting is half the battle!”

“You’re just in a rut. Snap out of it!”

“I know you’re talented, so don’t squander it!”

“Maybe this just isn’t for you.”

No, it is. I know it is for me. I know i’ll stop and start again a hundred times and I know the dfinition of insanity would call that textbook.  But if there is one thing I know about textbooks it’s that they change versions every year and cost too much for me to consider their contents.

I can’t promise consistency in this blog, I won’t even promise quality, or good content.  I’ll just promise insanity.

Trying the same thing over and over expecting a different result.

Yeah, I can do that.