It has come to my attention that you are in need of an employee.

Please understand that I am busy and cannot respond to all but the most qualified candidates who I have agreed to interview with.  The ideal employer will have at least 3-5 years experience dealing with employees, Bachelors degree preferred.  I am looking for solid management, so good managing credentials are a plus.

This is a full time position, so I expect to get 40 hours per week, you must be flexible but consistent.

You must provide your own transportation and valid insurance.  Not caring that I use public transit is a plus, but not required.

I’m looking for a company that is good at working individually and with a team, experience with a fast paced work environment is required.  Please know a bunch of proprietary software and retroactively have several years of experience with it.  You must know how to use MS Office suite, even though anyone with a reasonable grasp of computers does.

Please don’t contact me by phone, e-mail, in person, fax, or telegram.  You must sign up for an account on my private website where you will spend 30 minutes distilling what is already listed on your resume into a series of text fields, while also uploading your resume and ideally a cover letter.  If your actions please the mighty server, your application may be routed to a human being who cares about the content of your character and your resume.

We look forward to hearing from you!  (If your application ever gets past our filters).

Warm regards,

Johann

“Yeah, that’s me.”

“How do you pronounce that?”

“Not sure.”

How do you pronounce that?

 

 

 

I haven’t written for a while. I get distracted, I get discouraged, and I get disinterested in all but the most attention grabbing tasks.  How much do you put off and for how long before your neglected tasks drag you kicking and screaming back to a state of focus.  Too long and too much.

A loss of something that once gave you stability gives some focus and a burst of clarity for what needs to be done; an enviable reaction.

But the envy is misplaced because it never addresses the idea of underlying motivation which is supposed to be intrinsic and not extrinsic.

“You just have to start; starting is half the battle!”

“You’re just in a rut. Snap out of it!”

“I know you’re talented, so don’t squander it!”

“Maybe this just isn’t for you.”

No, it is. I know it is for me. I know i’ll stop and start again a hundred times and I know the dfinition of insanity would call that textbook.  But if there is one thing I know about textbooks it’s that they change versions every year and cost too much for me to consider their contents.

I can’t promise consistency in this blog, I won’t even promise quality, or good content.  I’ll just promise insanity.

Trying the same thing over and over expecting a different result.

Yeah, I can do that.

5 days farming and out in the lightly developed country side away from distraction… aside from the Internet, Television, and video games.  The time I spent on the farm that was most fulfilling was the time spent doing actual work outdoors, so naturally that was what I spent the least time doing.  Distraction is addiction and the dopamine receptors in my brain are used to being flooded every time I scan a page for vague summaries and keywords being instantly satisfied by drawing short pointless conclusions… based on preconceived notions and opinions.

A full grown male RAM outside his natural habitat.

I can’t get that from feeding peanuts to sheep, not right now at least, but I know its more satisfying.  I have a connection to the action, an understanding of all parts of the action: I fed an animal.  I fed my brain.  The internet, how I consume it, is junk food and i’m dead set on bringing it everywhere that I go justifying its invasion of my life by forcing as much “good content” and as many “good experiences” as I can into my web surfing.

When they start an Internet-Anon, someone let me know.

If I farmsit again, I ought to try it tech-free just to see how I walk away from the experience and maybe i’ll give the animals just a little more attention.  I could figure out just how hard I can tug on my electronic leash.

And I could get a tan… or become the Queen of England.  Both being equally likely.

I’m a picky eater.  I’m in rehab.

I was the butter and bread guy, the chocolate is candy guy, the plain burger (just buns, meat, and ketchup please) guy.  My food outlook mirrored my life outlook:  limited experience and what little I know is good enough and needs no alteration, certainly not from outsiders… they just don’t understand my Shangri-la of dry chicken breast; no sauce.  I was the Holden Caulfield of the culinary world and Michelin star chefs were the phonies.

Imagine this burger at every barbecue and now imagine telling yourself that burger is in its most delicious form

It is a symptom of a larger life philosophy that is largely unwritten and full of references to a glossary of experience that went mostly unexamined and analyzed, but I managed to place it in my manual for life anyway.  Food is good.  More food is better.  More food sooner is better.  Simpler food is tastier.  Fewer ingredients are tastier.  Advertised food is obviously tastier (unless it conflicts with the previous rules).

The mind rejects stagnation, it fights it with aplomb, yet it struggles when that stagnation is self imposed.

“You could use some protein Johann and maybe a smidge of excercise.”

Thanks, but I think I’ll watch some TV.

“Really?”

Yeah, Dexter’s Lab is on right now.  I know this is good, i’ve seen the episode before.

“Are you listening to yourself right now?  Doritos instead of Mexican food? Watching things you’ve seen before instead of going outside?  How old are you anyway?”

You should know that Subconscious.

“I know what the number is, but I have a hard time believing it.  If you’re not using this drive, energy, motivation, creativity you’ve got, I’ll let your energies go to more productive things.  Have fun getting fat and aimless.

What was that?

“I said have fun while I’m gone.”

Oh, cool.  Hey are you taking hand-eye coordination with you?

“No, why?”

I’m gonna play some Call of Duty later.

You wake up one day and wonder what exactly happened.  You put some tomatoes and cilantro on your pizza instead of getting cheese, walk around downtown unprovoked, finish a book in a day for the first time in a while.  You’ve been asleep… and you woke up in time to move to Copenhagen.

I feel like I have bedhead… on the inside.  Time to take a mental shower, comb my hair, and shave my soul’s neckbeard.

And maybe later I’ll eat some soul food.

Retrospective on the successes and failures of Copenhagen soon to come.

“But Johann…” You say. “You’ve already showed us pictures of Strøget before”.

Yes.  I have.  This is kind of like a Baywatch rerun on the USA network that you haven’t seen before, you sit down and watch it just because its there… and you used to like Baywatch, right?  Back when it was on air?  Don’t lie to me.

I love the masses of bikes I see everywhere I turn.

Bike accommodations on the Metro, and light rail make it easy to commute from the suburbs and ride your bike where you need to go once in town.  Or if you are adventurous there will be bike lanes for you wherever you need to go, and right of way laws where the infrastructure hasn’t reached.

I like this kind of advertising... because it tells me that pedestrian traffic is high enough to warrant it... And I like pedestrian traffic.

Obviously there is some sampling bias in choosing the main walking street, but you’ll find this everywhere else as well.  Running across a band/venue combo I like is not something that should just happen on the internet through a targeted ad.  An environment should be reactive to the people in it, and the way information is disseminated to a car heavy city versus a pedestrian city is hugely different; namely more crass, brash, and simplified because no one stops to read at an intersection.  Thats not to say that flyer ads are more sophisticated but they are by their very nature different because of the information they have the ability to relay.

Your honor that hot dog stand was dressed provocatively! I say it brought that purchase on itself!

I love a city with towers and I love a city with verticality.  Copenhagen satisfies those two loves while being a medium-rise city (intermittent high-rises do not a high-rise city make) mostly because of the density and the multi purpose buildings staggered away from the sidewalks at appropriate distances.  The point of interaction between the pedestrian and the shops is the door, not a set of steps up or down or some barrier that visually separates them.  I would argue that cities could measure a drop in store walk-ins if they compared streets of similar pedestrian density with adjacent and seperated storefronts…

A random tangent, I apologize.  But I do wonder what it would take to transform a space from a car wasteland to something more pedestrian friendly whenever I find my mind wandering.  I blame years in the midwest.

Thats 4672 cyclists by 2:00 on a weekday... on that one street... just in that direction.

I’ll leave you with this.  I have immeasurably enjoyed taking up your precious time and hope that you will let me do so again soon.

Till next time,

-Johann

Took a walk today around the lakes of Copenhagen, man made and rectangular but very nice to walk around.  It was a little blustery but not totally cloudy out so it was as good a day as any I think.

Lake approach

There is a nice little cafe to the right and a tunnel under the street to the left.

The weather reminded me of Portland, but then again so do the bikes and smokers.  The cities are the same size, but I feel like Copenhagen is denser as far as pedestrian traffic is concerned and even where living space is concerned.  Portland has a defined downtown but the Pearl is new and unique in its utilization of vertical space for homes, whereas the mid-rises in Copenhagen have been here for quite some time and the pedestrian routes are well established… entrenched even.

A canopy of trees almost ready to cast of the cold weather... almost.

I went visited outside of “peak hours” for joggers, strollers, and meandering  folk.  Stopping abruptly to take photos did not inconvenience anyone as a result.

I can't help but love the buildings in this city, but I won't stop to think what lake front property might cost...

There is a bike rack like this one every 50 feet along  the four lakes… there are likely as many bikes parked here as there are being ridden at this moment through downtown Portland.

Color returning to the cheeks of Copenhagen.

At first I didn't like the graffiti everywhere...

But their assault on the concrete seems less abrasive now that the city is regaining some color.

An old toy store? Thats all I can surmise from what sits in the windows.

I like this disheveled place, though I can’t place exactly why.  Maybe because it is more deteriorated than anything else along the lakes by an order of magnitude.  I look at it every time I walk along the lakes… a yearning for restoration?  Whatever the reason, I like it.

This was just begging to be photographed.

End of the journey, four lakes later... time to turn around and head back.

It is exceedingly nice to walk around this place and even better when the weather cooperates.  I think this summer is going to be splendid.

Till next time

-Johann

Updates have been spares and photos have been sparser these past few weeks. And its true, I’ve neglected you so much that Child Services would not be out of line if they were to come take you away from me. But i’m not going to let that happen… and instead of coaching you to deceive their investigator I’m actually going to start tending to you again like the good nurturing blogger I am.

I've got my blog recovery plan all mapped out.

For the past two weeks I have been in a hostel and tiny hotel room, surviving only with my wits and greasy street food.  But I’m back in my old apartment and I’ve got my sister Bekka in tow ready to take on Copenhagen once more.  The past few days in the apartment have been retracing the steps I took when I first got here: new passport, arranging meetings with her school, etc.  But it has been nice having a home base once again.

Before we delved headfirst into those dealings we had a few days in a hotel by a large square at the entrance to Strøget the very long pedestrian street and shopping district.  Wonderfully crowded and filled with pale faces grabbing as much of the temporary sun and 21 degrees (celsius!) as they could.

The square we walked through before reaching Strøget

Turning slightly to the right you can see the Palace Hotel and Town Hall.

Town hall in all its splendor.

It was a perfect day to take pictures and there were several more like it in rapid succession.  Thus I have many more pictures to share.  But I’ll draw them out just a little and editorialize where I can.

Till next time (soon, I promise)

-Johann

Quick update from the Danish frontier.

My sister has arrived!  And because only men should be subject to hostels we have moved into classier budget hotel accommodations.  An apartment has been secured a week from now and faux touristy things will entertain in the meantime. We are in a pretty central location so we can walk to a lot of fun sites.  Bekka has also brought a decent camera and I found a replacement for my schizophrenic camera.  So expect a 200% increase in photos of relevant and possibly even interesting things.

I started my “intensive” Danish course today and it turned out to be rather fun for the whole three and a half hours.  Jeg kan kun tale lidt dansk now!  3 hours of class learning have overtaken over a month of book learning in a single stride.  I should be speaking mostly danish in no time!

The socialists are also paying for my courses and for my course materials and I really can’t complain.

Things are back in motion.

Till next time,

Johann

Battlefield report:

The dorm is clear of all enemy combatants and the troop slept soundly.

Chinese take out was fed to the troop battalion at 1930.  Field reconnaissance ascertained that the food was composed of a mixture of chicken, MSG, and grease.  No digestive problems encountered.  One Tuborg was purchased from the bar at home base.  The meal was consumed whilst a game of football played.

2 films served as entertainment:

Crank: Jason Statham engages in feats of spectacular and unnecessary violence, drug use, and profanity.  Quality of  entertainment 8/10

State of Play: Fat Russell crow and skinny Ben Affleck attempt to use the craft of acting to create political intrigue in a modern day journalism vs. Capitol Hill politics thriller.  They fail.  Quality of entertainment:  5/10

The troop attempted to sleep at 0020, but did not succeed till 0335.   The troop would note the giant clock outside its window as the reason for the accuracy of these reports.  Quality of sleep 4/10

The troop will now go partake in a continental breakfast… he will report back if that definition varies between actual continents.

Signing out

Johann